it was heavy for me to say all those stupid words. but at the same time,i can't accept what has happened. it was degrading and demoralizing. but i had to say. even if my heart was shouting not to. i was so mean. i was so fucking mean. i lost another one. the one that means so much to me. i know im reckless. i shouldn't have said all that. but i guess it's my ego. yes IT IS,not guess,dumb. i am sorry. but he should be sorry too for killing my hopes. it's all gone now. everything is.